Category: Monthly Musings

Unwinding Anxiety – Part One


“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.”  - Alan Watts What is mindfulness training? Mindfulness training is practicing how to operate in present moment awareness intentionally and non-judgmentally.  In our current societal state of being driven by distraction, this has become a lost art.  Consciously or unconsciously, we tend to choose to distract our attention away from whatever- usually something uncomfortable to something more comfortable.  Those cute little puppy videos, Tic Tok, Instagram or our cell phones are good at this. It’s so automatic, we aren’t even aware of it. There are endless “feeds” today in which to spend our time and attention. Although there is nothing inherently wrong with these feeds, they can impact our lives in some unknowingly adverse ways by increasing anxiety.  Take a few moments reflecting on how many feeds you find yourself spending your time pursuing.  Here are just a few examples of our daily “feeds”. 

Reflections on the Tragedy at UVA


It’s been a week since the mass shooting occurred at the University when three football players died, Lavel Davis Jr, Devin Chandler and D’Sean Perry, and another football player, Michael Hollins Jr, and a student, Marlee Morgan, were seriously injured.  Another student, Christopher Jones, has been arrested for the shooting.  Many others’ lives have been irrevocably changed.   Grief over the deaths as well as the impact of trauma of the event will persist for a long time, undoubtedly for the duration of their lives for some.  How can mindfulness be helpful in such a terrible situation? We can remember that we can just be with whatever arises without judging our experience. There are multiple emotions we might feel-grief, anger, fear, among many- and we can see if it’s possible to acknowledge whatever we’re feeling, even if we then choose to shift our attention to something else.  Connecting with others can be helpful in validating what we are experiencing and recognizing that we are not alone.  The University did this on a large scale with the memorial service that was held on Saturday at the John Paul Jones Arena.  We can cultivate kindness for ourselves because many of the emotions that arise are difficult to be with.

All In The Mind


Have you noticed how much the word “mind” is part and parcel of our lives, how we tell stories and sing songs about the mind, as though it were a phenomenon that operates on its own, separately from “me”? Song titles with the word “mind” abound: the difficult conditions of your mind…Pain of Mind, Mind War, Crazy Out of My Mind, Dead-end Mind, Unsound Mind, Mind Games, All in the Mind, Quiet Mind, Thorn in My Mind, Half a Mind, A Mind With a Heart of Its Own. Then there’s your mind and what to do with it - Say What’s On Your Mind, Send Your Mind, Make Up Your Mind, Mind Control, Relax Your Mind, Free Your Mind, Open Your Mind,  Mind Eraser, When the Heart Rules the Mind, Quiet Your Mind, Change Your Mind, Travel With Your Mind, (but while you’re traveling, Don’t Lose Your Mind!) And questions about your mind… If You Change Your Mind, Did You Ever Have to Make Up Your Mind? Where Is My Mind? Can I Change My Mind? And traveling around inside the mind… In the Back of My Mind, First Thing on My Mind, Mind over Matter,



When we see things, we tend to believe what we see is an accurate reflection of the way things are.  How many times have we seen or heard the phrase “seeing is believing”?  When we see something, usually our automatic reaction is to believe it.  Yet there is much evidence that this is an oversimplification, that what we see is not just a simple and accurate representation of the world around us. To begin with, far more information enters our eyes than we could ever process in conscious awareness.  This information has to be filtered first, and this filtering occurs automatically without our even knowing that it is occurring.  An estimated one gigabyte of information enters our eyes each second, and is filtered down to just a few bytes of relevant data.  What is considered relevant depends on context and to what we are paying attention.  You may have seen the video of people passing a basketball during which a gorilla walks through.



Summer is here and with it ​an opportunity to appreciate all the bounties of nature.  Trees are green, flowers are in bloom, birds and animals abound.  The heat and humidity can be a barrier to spending time outside,  and we may find we seek the comfort of air-conditioned space to escape them.  My wife and I have been noticing this, and intentionally choosing to sit on our deck, in the shade.  The place where we sit is right next to a hummingbird feeder, and we’ve been watching the hummingbirds.  Hummingbirds are amazing creatures.  They can beat their wings over 50 times a second, and are the only birds that can hover.  They have very active metabolisms, and may consume up to half their body weight in a day, visiting as many as 1000-2000 flowers.  They are travelers and can migrate up to 2000 miles, wintering in Mexico and Central America.  They also have relatively large brains, about twice as large compared to their body weight as humans. 


Last month, the Monthly Musing addressed cultivating kindness for ourselves. This month, the focus is on cultivating kindness toward others. There are many benefits of doing both. Extending kindness to ourselves can help decrease the impact of negative experiences and emotions and improve our wellbeing.  Extending kindness to others can have similar effects.  Often when we are angry with someone or hold a grudge, we may be the ones who feel it the most.  If we can acknowledge these feelings and intentionally respond with kindness we may feel better, as may the other person, and our relationships may improve. It may be helpful to revisit the definition of mindfulness that we use in the Mindfulness Center: Intentional present-moment nonjudgmental awareness with kindness.  If we are not paying attention, when we interact with others we may react negatively and be critical and judgmental without even noticing it.  This happens automatically, outside of our conscious awareness, based on how our past experiences influence our perceptions.  These influences are pervasive.

Cultivating Kindness for Ourselves


Cultivating kindness is central to practicing mindfulness.  A definition of mindfulness that we use in the Mindfulness Center is “intentional nonjudgmental present moment awareness with kindness”.  Why is kindness so important?  Being with our own present moment experience can be hard, and practicing kindness toward ourselves can facilitate our ability to do this.  There are times when we may be feeling stressed, or upset with ourselves for something we have or have not done, or we may be upset with someone else.  If we pay attention to our present moment experience, we may notice that we are feeling anxious, or guilty, or angry.  These can all be difficult emotions, and we may want to turn away, to distract ourselves, to do anything else but be with what we are feeling.  Yet mindfulness is about being with whatever is arising in the moment, whether it is pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. 

Resting in the Present Moment


A definition of mindfulness that we use in the Mindfulness Center is “intentional nonjudgmental present-moment awareness with kindness”.   Why is there such an emphasis on paying attention to the present moment?  Because every moment we experience is a present moment.  Our lives unfold in the present moment.  When the past occurred, it was in the present moment.  When we think about the past, we are doing it in the present moment.  The same is true of the future.  Viewed from this perspective, all our experiences are in the present moment. It is easy to get caught up in wishing we could change something that occurred in the past.  Obviously this is not possible, yet we can expend a lot of energy wishing we could.



Spring, a season of renewal, has arrived.  Renewal can mean to be renewed: to make like new; to restore to freshness and vigor.  This spring has an added sense of renewal as we emerge from yet another Covid surge and hope once again that this may be the last. Spring can provide an opportunity to find ways to restore freshness and vigor to our lives.  We might slow down to really notice what is occurring in the natural world, becoming aware of changes in the weather, of flowers or trees blooming, of the sounds of birds.  We might take this opportunity to renew relationships with family and friends, especially those that may have been affected by Covid.  We might renew our commitment to practicing mindfulness, perhaps setting aside time to meditate regularly.

Mindfulness and Emotional Intelligence Part 3


Two recent Musings have been devoted to mindfulness and Emotional Intelligence (EI).  EI refers to the ability to understand and manage our own emotions, as well as to recognize and influence the emotions of those around us.   EI has been shown to be a powerful predictor of work performance, is an attribute of successful leaders, and can also be important in other settings.  There are four main components to EI: self-awareness; self-regulation; social awareness; and relationship management.  Relationship management is the topic of this column, and refers to using the awareness of our own emotions and those of others to optimally manage interactions. There are a number of competencies that contribute to relationship management in Daniel Goleman’s model of Emotional Intelligence.