There is a saying that we use in mindfulness practice “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional”. The experience of pain results from a physiologic process that occurs automatically in response to a noxious stimulus. Although mindfulness can be helpful in dealing with pain itself, the amount of control we have over this is limited. Suffering on the other hand is defined as “wanting things to be different than they are”. We potentially have much more control over suffering when it arises as we can notice when we want our present moment experience to be different than it is. We can then let go of these thoughts and accept that, in this moment, things are the way they are. Wanting them to be different does not change this.
This does not mean we can’t act to change things that are painful. Rather, we can notice discomfort, evaluate options that might make it better, and choose a response, all without getting caught up in continuing to want things to be different than they are. In situations where we experience pain or discomfort, it is easy to start thinking about how bad our situation is, how it may be unfair, or how it might not get better. If we are not paying attention, we may just go over and over these thoughts, increasing our suffering. However, when we do notice these thoughts, we can acknowledge them and then let them go. This is what we practice over and over again while meditating- choosing an anchor for the attention such as the breath, noticing when thoughts arise, as soon as we notice them arising, letting them go, returning the attention to our anchor.
I had the opportunity to practice this recently. On a routine visit to my dermatologist, I was diagnosed with a malignant melanoma. I was scheduled for an excision with a skin flap to close the wound. If the melanoma could be completely removed and there was no spread to lymph nodes the likelihood of cure would be high. The treatment of melanoma has improved dramatically recently, but if it couldn’t be completely removed or it had spread it would still be much more serious and would require additional therapy with a lower likelihood of being cured.
Following the surgery I certainly had pain, although it was less than I anticipated. I also had ample opportunity to experience suffering, both related to the pain and to worry about the pathology results and what they could mean since I did not find these out for 10 days, until I had my post-operative follow up visit. However, during this time, I found I was able to let go of thoughts about wanting things to be different than they were when they arose, recognizing that thinking about them did not change anything except making me feel worse. As a result, although I experienced pain, I had little suffering. Fortunately, when I did get the results, I learned that the melanoma had been completely removed and that it had not spread. I experienced some relief on hearing this, but it was not pronounced, which I attributed to not having been very caught up in worrying before getting the results.
Being aware of the difference between pain and suffering can be very helpful in decreasing the latter, although doing this is not always as straightforward as I experienced related to the melanoma. Suffering related to grief and trauma are often more complicated and can take much more time and effort to resolve. In my own case, it took me years of practice to finally accept things as they are related to my father’s death by suicide when I was young. Although it took a long time, I no longer experience any significant suffering in relation to this event. This has contributed to knowing that, while pain is inevitable, suffering is not.
Filed Under: Monthly Musings