Acceptance Is a Choice

 I was reading a column this week by Amy Dickinson (“Ask Amy”) in which she responded to a letter from a woman who was having difficulty being around her son-in-law.  In the letter, the writer stated “While I am visiting, I find his behavior so unpleasant that I find excuses to retire early.  Is there any way for me to understand my son-in-law’s behavior and make peace with it?”  Part of Amy’s response was ”Peace” (or acceptance) is a choice”.  (The Daily Progress 6/23/24).

I agree with her that acceptance is a choice.  Acceptance is one of the foundational attitudes that underlies mindfulness practice.  In this context, it means seeing things as they actually are in the present.  We can cultivate acceptance by taking each moment as it comes and being with it fully, as it is. We try not to impose our ideas about what we should be feeling or thinking or seeing on our experience but just remind ourselves to be receptive and open to whatever we are feeling, thinking, or seeing, and to accept it because it is here right now.

We can also practice this in relationship with others. We may not agree with others when interacting with them, yet right now we can choose to accept that this is the way things are.  We can then also choose a response.  It might be to share how we have been affected with the other person, or it might be to acknowledge what we are feeling to ourselves, accept that the situation is what it is, and move on, or it might be to end the relationship.  We can accept that things are the way they are in this moment, and still choose how we respond moving forward. These are not mutually exclusive.  Accepting the reality of this moment instead of wanting it to be different is a form of self-compassion.  Continuing to go over the story we tell ourselves in our minds about how we have been affected by someone else’s actions and wishing they were different does not change what happened.  It often only makes us feel worse.  In her column, Amy linked peace and acceptance, and it may be that by choosing acceptance we can experience peace.