{"id":2606,"date":"2023-09-14T09:57:39","date_gmt":"2023-09-14T14:57:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/news.med.virginia.edu\/mindfulness\/?p=2606"},"modified":"2023-09-14T09:58:54","modified_gmt":"2023-09-14T14:58:54","slug":"carrying-baggage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/news.med.virginia.edu\/mindfulness\/2023\/09\/14\/carrying-baggage\/","title":{"rendered":"Carrying Baggage"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n
By John Schorling<\/strong><\/p>\n

We all accumulate baggage throughout our lives, much of it stuff we might be happier if we did not continue to carry with us.\u00a0 There are regrets, losses, perceived slights that we hold on to, to name just a few.\u00a0 We often wish things were different regarding these experiences, that we had acted differently or made different choices, that a relationship hadn\u2019t ended, or that someone had acted differently toward us.\u00a0 Yet in this moment, things are just as they are, and wishing they were different will not make them so.\u00a0 \u201cWanting things to be different than they are\u201d is a basic definition of suffering often used in mindfulness practice.<\/p>\n

Mindfulness has been defined as \u201cIntentional present moment nonjudgmental awareness with kindness\u201d.\u00a0 So is it possible to just be with our experience as it is, without judgment, noticing any desire for things to be different that arises?\u00a0 There are often little things that we wish were different- the temperature to be cooler, the environment to be quieter, the chair to be more comfortable.\u00a0 And as we pay attention, we may notice that more significant wishes for things to be different also arise.\u00a0 When this happens, we can pay attention, noticing what we feel in the body, what thoughts\u00a0come up, what emotions are present.<\/p>\n

We might notice gnawing in the pit of the stomach as thoughts of something mean we said to a friend arise, and become aware that we have been holding on to feeling guilty.\u00a0 Noticing this, we can ask ourselves, is there something I might do that would help the situation, perhaps apologize?\u00a0 Maybe the situation can\u2019t be addressed, or doing so wouldn\u2019t help.\u00a0 If that\u2019s the case, is it possible to acknowledge this, to recognize that continuing to hold on to guilt over a situation that can\u2019t be changed is causing us suffering, and to respond with kindness and compassion for ourselves?\u00a0 How would we respond to a friend in a similar situation who shared it with us?\u00a0 Would we criticize or blame them, or would we respond with kindness?\u00a0\u00a0 And acknowledging all this, can we let go of the self-blame, at least a little?<\/p>\n

Sometimes we may feel we need to hold on the guilt or self-blame because we feel we don\u2019t deserve to feel better, or because we feel holding on to it will keep us from acting the same way again in the future, or because we don\u2019t want to forgot what we have lost.\u00a0 Yet these beliefs are often not accurate.\u00a0 Holding on to blame and guilt just tend to make us more reactive, and when someone says or does something that triggers these emotions, we are more rather than less likely to react in exactly the ways we\u2019re trying to prevent.\u00a0 If we really desire to respond more skillfully to difficult situations, and to experience less suffering, perhaps we can be more kind to ourselves and put down some of the baggage that we\u2019ve been carrying.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We all accumulate baggage throughout our lives, much of it stuff we might be happier if we did not continue to carry with us.\u00a0 There are regrets, losses, perceived slights that we hold on to, to name just a few.\u00a0 We often wish things were different regarding these experiences, that we had acted differently or made different choices, that a relationship hadn\u2019t ended, or that someone had acted differently toward us.\u00a0 Yet in this moment, things are just as they are, and wishing they were different will not make them so.\u00a0 \u201cWanting things to be different than they are\u201d is a basic definition of suffering often used in mindfulness practice.<\/p>\n

Mindfulness has been defined as \u201cIntentional present moment nonjudgmental awareness with kindness\u201d.\u00a0 So is it possible to just be with our experience as it is, without judgment, noticing any desire for things to be different that arises?\u00a0 There are often little things that we wish were different- the temperature to be cooler, the environment to be quieter, the chair to be more comfortable.\u00a0 And as we pay attention, we may notice that more significant wishes for things to be different also arise.\u00a0 When this happens, we can pay attention, noticing what we feel in the body, what thoughts\u00a0come up, what emotions are present.
\nWe might notice gnawing in the pit of the stomach as thoughts of something mean we said to a friend arise, and become aware that we have been holding on to feeling guilty.\u00a0 Noticing this, we can ask ourselves, is there something I might do that would help the situation, perhaps apologize?\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1202,"featured_media":2342,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2606","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-monthly-musings"],"acf":false,"yoast_head":"\nCarrying Baggage - Mindfulness Matters<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/news.med.virginia.edu\/mindfulness\/2023\/09\/14\/carrying-baggage\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Carrying Baggage - Mindfulness Matters\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"We all accumulate baggage throughout our lives, much of it stuff we might be happier if we did not continue to carry with us.\u00a0 There are regrets, losses, perceived slights that we hold on to, to name just a few.\u00a0 We often wish things were different regarding these experiences, that we had acted differently or made different choices, that a relationship hadn\u2019t ended, or that someone had acted differently toward us.\u00a0 Yet in this moment, things are just as they are, and wishing they were different will not make them so.\u00a0 \u201cWanting things to be different than they are\u201d is a basic definition of suffering often used in mindfulness practice. 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