{"id":2456,"date":"2022-05-26T15:34:09","date_gmt":"2022-05-26T20:34:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/news.med.virginia.edu\/mindfulness\/?p=2456"},"modified":"2022-05-27T12:44:32","modified_gmt":"2022-05-27T17:44:32","slug":"cultivating-kindness-for-ourselves","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/news.med.virginia.edu\/mindfulness\/2022\/05\/26\/cultivating-kindness-for-ourselves\/","title":{"rendered":"Cultivating Kindness for Ourselves"},"content":{"rendered":"

By John Schorling<\/strong><\/p>\n

Cultivating kindness is central to practicing mindfulness.\u00a0 A definition of mindfulness that we use in the Mindfulness Center is \u201cintentional nonjudgmental present moment awareness with kindness\u201d.\u00a0 Why is kindness so important?\u00a0 Being with our own present moment experience can be hard, and practicing kindness toward ourselves can facilitate our ability to do this.<\/p>\n

There are times when we may be feeling stressed, or upset with ourselves for something we have or have not done, or we may be upset with someone else.\u00a0 If we pay attention to our present moment experience, we may notice that we are feeling anxious, or guilty, or angry.\u00a0 These can all be difficult emotions, and we may want to turn away, to distract ourselves, to do anything else but be with what we are feeling.\u00a0 Yet mindfulness is about being with whatever is arising in the moment, whether it is pleasant, unpleasant or neutral.<\/p>\n

So is it possible to lean in to whatever we are feeling rather than turning away?\u00a0 RAINS is an acronym for a process that is helpful in doing this.\u00a0 First, the R stands for Recognizing what we are experiencing and feeling, then the A is for just Allowing it to be without trying to fix anything or change anything, just being with what is, without judgment.\u00a0 The I is for Investigating what we are feeling- where do we feel it in the body?\u00a0 Grounding ourselves in the present moment experience of the body can help us get out of the story of what we think is happening, and stories can feed on themselves, creating even more stress.<\/p>\n

Often noticing what we are feeling in the body is enough to get out of the story and the difficult emotion may lessen or subside.\u00a0 If not, we can further investigate our experience, perhaps asking ourselves \u201cWhat am I believing right now?\u201d\u00a0 We may be believing that we are not good enough, or should be different in some way.\u00a0 \u00a0Whatever we are experiencing in the moment is real, it is what we are experiencing, but the story often is not true. Tara Brach has pointed out the importance of recognizing this, of noticing when what we are experiencing is real but not true.<\/p>\n

The N of RAINS stands for Not-identifying with whatever we are experiencing, knowing that whatever we are feeling does not define us.\u00a0 Emotions arise, we feel them, then they will ultimately change and often pass away.\u00a0 Because we feel anger does not mean we are an angry person.\u00a0 We are just experiencing anger.\u00a0 We can even say to ourselves \u201cthis is not me\u201d or \u201cnot mine\u201d.<\/p>\n

Finally, the S in RAINS stands for Self-kindness and Self-compassion.\u00a0 Being with things as they are can be challenging, and bringing kindness to our experience can be very helpful.\u00a0 There are many ways of practicing self-kindness.\u00a0 We can extend feelings of kindness to ourselves and say phrases such as \u201cMay I be happy\u201d and \u201cMay I be free from inner and outer harm\u201d as we do in practicing lovingkindness meditation.\u00a0 We might reflect on how we would respond to a friend who is experiencing what we are, and extend the same kindness to ourselves as we would to them. Or we might imagine a friend extending kindness to us if we shared our experience with them.\u00a0 We can also do the same with a spiritual figure we respect, imagining what Mother Teresa or the Dalai Lama might say to us.\u00a0 \u00a0Touch can also be comforting, and we might find that placing a hand on the heart and saying a phrase such as \u201cMay I be kind to myself\u201d is helpful.<\/p>\n

Each of us finds comfort in our own way, and it can be helpful to try different ways of practicing self-kindness during meditation.\u00a0 Once we find a practice that resonates, when we meditate we might begin by doing this for a few minutes as we recommend in our classes.\u00a0 This practice can then become a resource that we can use to extend kindness to ourselves during difficult times, allowing us to turn toward our experience, being with it as it is, rather than turning away.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Cultivating kindness is central to practicing mindfulness.\u00a0 A definition of mindfulness that we use in the Mindfulness Center is \u201cintentional nonjudgmental present moment awareness with kindness\u201d.\u00a0 Why is kindness so important?\u00a0 Being with our own present moment experience can be hard, and practicing kindness toward ourselves can facilitate our ability to do this.\u00a0<\/p>\n

There are times when we may be feeling stressed, or upset with ourselves for something we have or have not done, or we may be upset with someone else.\u00a0 If we pay attention to our present moment experience, we may notice that we are feeling anxious, or guilty, or angry.\u00a0 These can all be difficult emotions, and we may want to turn away, to distract ourselves, to do anything else but be with what we are feeling.\u00a0 Yet mindfulness is about being with whatever is arising in the moment, whether it is pleasant, unpleasant or neutral.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1202,"featured_media":2281,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2456","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-monthly-musings"],"acf":false,"yoast_head":"\nCultivating Kindness for Ourselves - 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