Previously, I wrote about mindfulness and leadership through the lens of emotional intelligence (EQ), focusing on two aspects of EQ: self-awareness and self-management.\u00a0 The other two aspects of EQ in the model developed by Daniel Goleman are social awareness and relationship management, and mindfulness can be very helpful in cultivating these as well.<\/p>\n
Social awareness involves paying attention to others around us, and is based in empathy, the ability to understand another person\u2019s experience and to pay attention and respond to his or her emotions.\u00a0 The principal way we understand how others are feeling is by paying attention to how we are feeling.\u00a0 We have \u201cmirror\u201d neurons in our brains that are activated based on seeing others\u2019 reactions, and these result in our experiencing similar feelings.\u00a0 Thus, paying attention to our own experience and how we are feeling gives us insight into how others are feeling.\u00a0 If we are aware of this, we can then choose how to respond most skillfully.\u00a0 If we are not aware that this is happening, we will still have the feelings, but we might react quite differently.\u00a0 For instance, if we are with someone who is angry and we are paying attention we may notice that we feel a little angry too.\u00a0 Noticing this with nonjudgmental awareness, we might simply respond by just listening or perhaps by naming the emotion, \u201cOh, I can see that you\u2019re angry about this\u201d.\u00a0\u00a0 Either of these responses may be helpful in working through the situation. On the other hand, if we aren\u2019t paying attention, we may respond to feeling another person\u2019s anger by just avoiding them if it makes us feel uncomfortable, or by telling them that they shouldn\u2019t be angry, or by reacting with anger ourselves.\u00a0 None of these reactions are likely to be very helpful.<\/p>\n
A key aspect of really paying attention to how we are feeling in relation to others is being aware of why the emotion is arising.\u00a0 This is very important in healthcare as we deal with people who are suffering all the time. If we are empathic, which we regularly teach our students is a good thing, we will feel the emotions of others who are suffering, and this can be very difficult. However, if in paying attention to the suffering and noticing how we are feeling we are also aware that we are feeling this way as a natural response to another, we may actually find we have greater tolerance for our own discomfort and be able to be with\u00a0it more.\u00a0 If we enter the room of a patient who is still in pain despite our best efforts, we may feel very uncomfortable, sometimes to the point of leaving and not further addressing their concerns.\u00a0 On the other hand, if we notice their discomfort and recognize that it is their discomfort that is making us uncomfortable, and then we don\u2019t judge ourselves or them for feeling this way, then we might recognize this connection as positive, as information that can help us provide better care, and we can then move toward the discomfort instead of away from it.\u00a0 Sometimes all we can do is acknowledge this, perhaps by sitting down next to the person and saying \u201cI know we haven\u2019t been able to totally control your pain and that this is very hard for you.\u00a0 I want you to know that we are going to keep trying.\u00a0 Is there anything I can do for you right now?\u201d<\/p>\n
The other main aspect of social awareness is organizational awareness. While empathy involves understanding individuals and their emotions, organizational awareness refers to understanding relationships and emotions within a group.\u00a0 The same principles apply as with empathy, and begin with paying attention to our own experience.\u00a0 \u00a0What do we notice we are feeling when we are in a group? What are the predominant emotions of those with whom we are working?\u00a0 How are people relating to each other? Practicing noticing these things can be very challenging because we bring our own agendas and expectations into our workplaces, and it can be very difficult to separate our own hopes and stories from those of the group.\u00a0 This really requires practice because we all interact with the world through our own lenses regarding the ways we think things should be. \u00a0Our view is conditioned by all our past experiences which influence how we see the world now.\u00a0 One of the ways to begin to cultivate a more open view is to notice the tendency to judge situations and group dynamics, paying attention to thoughts about the way things \u201cought to\u201d or \u201cshould\u201d be.\u00a0 \u201cOught to\u201d and \u201cshould\u201d often indicate that we feel the rules we live by are being broken, yet these \u201crules\u201d are often based on our past experiences, and may not held by others with whom we work (or live).<\/p>\n
So to increase our social awareness, we can really pay attention to how we are feeling, both with individuals and in groups, without judgment and with a sense of curiosity.\u00a0 If we notice a particular feeling, especially one we would prefer not to have, can we just be with it, and perhaps think \u201cisn\u2019t that interesting? \u00a0I wonder why I\u2019m feeling this way?\u201d without judging it or trying to get rid of it. Similarly, when we notice thoughts about the way things \u201cshould\u201d be, can we ask the related question \u201cisn\u2019t that interesting. I wonder why I think this way?\u201d\u00a0 As with all these suggestions, it is much easier to actually do this in real time if we\u2019ve spent time meditating, practicing being with thoughts, feelings, and sensations as they arise, with kindness and without judging them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Previously, I wrote about mindfulness and leadership through the lens of emotional intelligence (EQ), focusing on two aspects of EQ: self-awareness and self-management.\u00a0 The other two aspects of EQ in the model developed by Daniel Goleman are social awareness and relationship management, and mindfulness can be very helpful in cultivating these as well. Social awareness […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1154","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-monthly-musings"],"acf":false,"yoast_head":"\n